21st Century Friendships

Creating, Building, and Maintaining Friendships in an Ultra-Connected Time

How to Reconnect After Losing Touch

on May 20, 2014

Sometimes life gets in the way of friendships. Maybe one of you gets married. Maybe one of you has a kid. Maybe one of you falls into a new relationship black hole. No matter the reason, it happens to most people at one time or another. When we transition into the next stage of our lives, sometimes we lose touch with friends.

So, what do you do about it?

My first suggestion is to reach out using Facebook. Not only is this a good way to start a friendship with anyone these days, it’s a great way to see what this person is up to. Is it someone you really want to reconnect with? Maybe they are still parting hard like you guys did before and you’ve moved on to a more low key lifestyle. Maybe you are traveling and enjoy a free spirited life, and your old friend seems tied down? This is a good place for both of you to put your toe back into the pool and see how the water feels.

If your friend passes this test, then my next suggestion is to offer a get together that is low key. Suggest something that makes it easy to talk. Go to coffee, have dinner, maybe take the kids to a park. I don’t suggest a movie, a night club (unless maybe you both are into that), or any place that might not feel like neutral ground for both of you.

Before you meet up, take a moment to look at what happened? Is it possible you let the ball drop? Maybe you are the the one who fell into the new relationships black hole? If it’s your side of the communication that failed, don’t be ashamed to admit it. This will go a long way.

For example, I fell into a new relationship black hole myself when I met my husband. I let a lot of friendships dwendle. When I finally popped my head by up, a husband and child later, I found not many friends were waiting for me on the other side. When I finally was ready to revisit and regrow those friendships, I had to admit that I kinda fell off the face of the earth. I had to explain to a few people that they did nothing wrong.

Admitting this, I think, went a long way. So, be prepared for a tough conversation.

If maybe your friend is the one who drop the ball, be patient and open minded. They have had a good reason for being incommunicado for awhile.

Not all my past friendships survived these steps, I’ll be honest. Some didn’t even make it all the way through. Those are the friendships that probably weren’t meant to continue on with me. But, some of the have come back to me. When I saw my friends for the first time again it was like time had never past.

Because some friendships can stand the test of time and distance.

One final thought on the subject…..

Don’t hold on to these old friendships too long if they don’t pass the test. I spent a good couple years afraid to reach out and start brand new friendships because I was unable to restart and reconnect with old ones. It’s ok to move on. Just like romantic relationships, at some point you have to get back on the horse and get back out there. And, it’s ok.

People come into our lives when we need them, and sometimes leave when their purpose has been completed. Just sayin’.


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